30Single Blog

1. Be fired
2. Have to fire someone (and actually do it with compassion)
3. Live with no purpose, for at least 3 months
4. Live with deepest conviction and purpose
5. Witness a birth
6. Witness a death
7. Fall in love
8. Have your heart broken, big time
9. Change your most deeply-held conviction
10. Fight for justice

On a lighter note, check out Graduate School the Game.  I found this during my first year of grad school, and knew that I had the universe’s permission to graduate when I had experienced all the game had to offer, picked all of the “setback cards,” and met all of the characters.  Oh yeah. 

My cat has allergies.  Try to do a search to learn something about cats with allergies, and all you get is a bunch of links about people with allergies TO cats.  But I finally succeeded, and found some good information. 

First, though, let me share some information about Henry.  Henry showed up at my doorstep about 3.5 years ago, and made himself right at home.  I was living in California at the time.  I used to leave the patio door cracked so that my orange fluffy cat could come and go as he pleased.  Henry, being a resourceful stray, quickly found that opening and started coming in to snarf down cat food.  I used to shoo him out.  But it eventually became amusing to watch this strange cat walk in like he owned the place.  It took me about 6 months, but I finally realized that Henry had become mine.  I had been holding out last hopes that someone would claim him, or that he really had a home.  But the huge unneutered testicles were one clue to me….  as was his rabid hunger.  Once I admitted to myself that Henry had claimed me, I took him to the vet to get him fixed up.  Neutered, shots, the works.  And that’s where I learned that Henry is FIV positive (FIV is the feline version of HIV).  The vet was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t want to put him to sleep when I learned that.  But good grief, he’s fine.  And he’s probably the single sweetest creature I’ve ever met on this earth.  What a gem of a cat. 

I knew pretty early on that Henry had asthma.  I just hoped it would get better.  With Henry’s FIV, treatment is tricky.  Most asthma remedies are steroid-based, which futher hurts the immune system.  Not a good thing for Henry.  And that’s pretty much all that vets seem to know to do.  About 2 years after Henry adopted me, I found the Aerokat.  I thought it was hilarious.  About as hilarious as trying to get Henry to let me use an inhaler on him.  He’s lost most of his feral tendencies, but when threatened, they sure come out.  The Aerokat has actually been pretty darn good.  But Henry’s asthma has gotten worse over time.  It finally dawned on me that there might be more to Henry’s asthma. 

I did some research online, and learned that Henry has classic allergy symptoms — asthma, scratching/cleaning himself frequently (I thought he just had a flea), vomits easily, and scabs at the base of his tail and under his chin.  So now the fun is on, and I have to find out what Henry’s allergic to. 

I’ve got 2 routes to pursue, from what I can tell.  I can do some allergy testing for Henry (and I assume that’s pretty expensive),  or I can assume that Henry’s allergies have their source in his diet, and conduct an elimination diet.  For now, until I can find out more information (like pricing!) for the allergy testing, I am going for the elimination diet. 

I went to my local pet store, and randomly found a serious expert (ask for Ruth) in feline allergies.  She confirmed some things I had read online, but added a whole lot more to the mix.  In her experience, most feline allergies are to the grains in their food.  So she pointed me to a whole slough of pet foods that don’t have grain fillers like corn, wheat, or rice.  There are a bunch out there (surprise!), and I opted for the Before Grain brand.  All of my critters seem to like it, which makes things easy.  And they have some great wet cat food that’s 100% meat.  NICE.  Because my cats are spoiled, and would never accept an all dry food diet. 

Now, I am supposed to wait about 8 weeks to see if there is improvement in Henry’s symptoms.  I can do that.  I never knew how much worry I spent on the little guy until this possible remedy presented itself.  Suddenly, I felt so relieved, and so happy for Henry.  Henry’s wheezing is constant — he has difficulty breathing at all times – and it has been heart-breaking to watch.  That hasn’t stopped him from playing or running around on occasion, but that increases to the already audible difficulty he has getting a good breath.  But now, This little monster with the serious love of life might actually have a chance. 

This is an odd one.  But here it is. 

I’ve been dealing with some odd health things lately.  Things are largely managed, but over the last month, a couple of strange events have happened.  I am now probably the only person on record who (1) is allergic to allergy meds of all sorts (hives!), (2) is made deeply anxious by anxiety meds, and who (3) starts twitching when she takes muscle relaxers. 

About 10 days ago, my doctor started me taking a very low-dose muscle relaxer right before bed.  Within 2 days, my body was twitching randomly.  My leg would jerk, or my hand.  A massage therapist even told me my eyebrows were twitching, although I couldn’t feel that one.  But over the last couple of days, the twitching has changed pretty dramatically.  It’s now confined to the left side of my body, and is probably better described as “jerking.”  My left leg or left arm jerks repeatedly.  Anyone looking at me can see it.  I counted today while I was stuck in traffic (scary that I was driving…), and I currently twitch/jerk an average of 40 times per minute. 

So I called my doctor, and she said that seizures are a rare side effect of this med, and that I should stop taking it immediately.  She didn’t have to sell me on that one.  When the doc says you’re having the precursor to seizures, that’s a pretty big wake-up call.  Yikes! 

I hope to be through twitching in about 3 days, when the meds are out of my system.  In the meantime, I am twitchily yours….

So I’ve been thinking about some things lately.  Yes, it happens.  While a lot of this discussion might apepar to be about sexism in the workplace, it’s really not what I’m getting at.  Yes, sexism exists.  Acknowledging that just isn’t very helpful to me.   I’m trying to figure out how to be as successful as possible, and blaming sexism for issues isn’t useful, pisses people off, and doesn’t help me grow as a person.  That doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge it, but there’s just no point in dwelling on it. 

While reading a book that was discarded and left in a “free” pile at my workplace, I found a pretty interesting nugget.  I’m just not entirely sure what to do with it, and I’m hoping y’all can help me out.  The following quotation is from a book on Myers-Briggs “types,” and it refers to the type I currently am: 

 “The ENTP female’s lot can be a difficult one because she is frequently greatly removed from any stereotypical expectations.  She is driven by the argumentativeness and chutzpah that go with this type.  Qualities that will not endear her to her colleagues in the workplace include intellectual arrogance, impatience when things aren’t readily understood, arguing for the sake of provoking thought, and talking out of both sides of her mouth in the effort to stimulate conversation.  The ENTP commits this “dual-speak” to make others think, but it can be frequently misperceived as flight at best and downright obnoxious at worst.  Whatever, it’s certainly not “feminine.”  Actually, it’s very ENTP and generally great fun.  It’s just that traditional organizations do not expect females to behave in this way, so ENTP females must compromise their natural skills and abilities for some form of social acceptance — of let the chips fall where they may, alienating the traditionalists.  occasionally such direct behavior can be seen as heroic by those who befriend the ENTP female.  When her attributes are appreciated, the ENTP female can provide a significant contribution to the workforce as well as an inspirational challenge to most projects to be done.  ……  ENTP males generally have a great deal going for themselves and are appreciated for their enthusiasm and intellectual insights.  Their argumentativemenss is frequently accepted as part of a male role, and their visionary nature is considered an asset….though occasionally frowned upon for such behaviors, the ENTP male still receives much more acceptance in the workplace than his female counterpart.”  (from page 360 of Type Talk at Work:  How the 16 Personality Types Determine Your Success on the Job, by Otto Kroeger, Janet M. THuesen, and Hile Rutledge.  Dell Publishing, 2002)

 So here’s the thing.  I am gutsy.  I am smart.  I get things done.  I don’t take shit.  I call things as I see them.  I do all of this without ego and with the best of intentions.  And I piss people off in the process.  It’s just who I am.  What I want to do next is figure out how to keep getting things done while having high integrity, but *without* pissing people off. 

The bit above about these qualities being valued in a male employee and severely criticized in a femal employee bothers me.  But frankly, that’s just not an interesting avenue to pursue.  I just want to know WTF to do to be “inside the system” enough to succeed, but without comprising the things I like about myself, and the things that have helped me be successful (but which also might be limiting me from going further). 

I dunno.  This is a big topic for me these days, and my brain is going pretty nutso trying to figure things out.  But welcome to the mind of an ENTP.  I would, as always, appreciate comments. 

Word. 

One of my bugaboos (to say the least) in the dating world or world of romance is cheating.  I am someone with a ridiculous sense of honor and loyalty.  Although that doesn’t mean that I’m perfect or don’t screw up, it does mean that I feel very strongly about honoring commitments.  When I mess up, I am harder on myself than anyone else ever could be.  And usually I don’t mess up.  Anyhooo. 

I went out for drinks tonight with my neighbor, *M*, who is new to the dating scene after a 20-year marriage.  She’s been divorced for about 2 years, and is only now getting back onto the dating scene.  Tonight, she had her first date — someone she met on Match.com.  After the date was over (9 pm-ish; how good could it have been?), she came by my place and suggested we go out for drinks at the neighborhood bar.  We did, and had a nice time.  After a couple of drinks, we both started talking to the fellow next to us.  He was there alone.  It’s a casual enough place; I didn’t think anything of it.  I often go there alone, usually with a book.  Anyhoo, this fellow’s name is Mike.  He’s about 70+, wore a wedding band, and talked about his wife and kids.  Under the guise of being interested in hooking up M with some of his single friends from the country club, he asked for her contact info.  After M and I had been home for 10 minutes, she received a text message from Mike.  He said, “You are beautiful.  I need to see you.  Now.” 

The only thing I could say at that point was, “welcome to the dating world, M.  It is full of this kind of sh*t.”  And it is. 

Two weeks ago I was on a plane back from Vegas (remind me to post about Alexis and Castles).  I sat next to two people that I didn’t know, and who didn’t know one another.  Both of their spouses had coincidentally been bumped up to first class, while they were stuck in coach.  We ended up being one of *those* groups of people on the plane — drunk, loud, obnoxious, and having one helluva good time.  (Not a bad situation for us on a flight that was stuck on the ground, 2 feet from the walkway, for 1.5 hours before taking off).  The fellow near me was a ton of fun.  He spent the whole trip talking about how amazing his wife is, and how lucky he is to still be in love with her.  Then, when we landed in Seattle, the group of us (spouses and all) went to the airport bar for another 3 rounds.  This fellow spent an hour next to me at the restaurant, while sitting across from his wife, texting me about how much I turned him on.  Mind you, I kept trying to turn him down.  But it only encouraged him.  I felt awful at the end.   (Why should I feel awful when he’s the one being treacherous?  But I did.) 

Frequently, I feel like I have sign on my head that says “Please ruin my faith in relationships, because I’m not cynical enough yet.”  But tonight, when M had the same issue, it gave me the sense that I am not alone. 

I really do struggle with this.  And I really do require a relationship that is worthy of trust.  Sometimes I worry that, for this very reason — that I require this and that it’s not possible — that I’m just a Greek tragedy waiting to be written (although probably less interesting). 

Is this normal, and if so, why? 

It’s been year now since I’ve posted anything, and it’s time for that to change.  When I originally started this blog, there was a lull at work.  Then I took a new job, and got incredibly busy.  Well, I suppose I’m back in a lull of sorts again. 

Today I have a job interview with a company called “Linden Lab.” who are the makers of Second Life.   Second Life is a really interesting virtual reality program, where you can create your own identity, buy land, start a business, build a house or an amusement park, have a relationship, have sex, etc.  This is my second interview, and so we are doing it “in world.”  That means that my avatar and the interviewer’s avatar will be meeting inside of the Second Life program, at a preset location.  Part of the fun of Second Life is that you can be anyone you want to.  And, well, my thing is that I almost always want to dye my hair blue and spike it.  So I’ve done exactly that for the interview.  My avatar in all of her spikey glory (and a business suit) will be meeting with the interviewer later this afternoon. 

The desire for spikey blue hair dates somehow back to early graduate school.  I find that the desire is strongest when I am resisting something, or wanting to rebel against some system.  In grad school, I indulged that once in a while (my favorite was hot pink hair), but I’ve never been able to do that since getting a real job.  When I worked at eBay, I can remember one fellow dying his hair in 4 stripes, in the eBay colors.  It was brilliant (literally).  He did it for the eBay Live event, which was a perfect thing to do.  But I can still remember the disapproving comments I heard from people about it.  People are so uptight sometimes….

The word at my current job is that we are in for another reorg.  Not that I’m counting, but this is #7 in the last 15 months.  Not kidding.  On the one hand, it’s like I have job security, but on the other hand, there’s so much constant chaos that nothing gets done.  I’m a pretty action-oriented person, so this gets to be hard on me.  I have some soul-searching to do in the next few months. 

Winter is dawning in the pacific northwest, and the gray is starting to settle in.  I just got a sun lamp to help deal with the lack of light.  Today was my first day using it, and I’m optimistic that it will help. 

That’s all I’ve got for now.  Would love to hear from you all. 

As you might have noticed, I’ve added some Google ads to the bottom of this blog.  I’m just interested in seeing more about how they do this ad thing (cuz I work in the biz), and also to see how much money people can make using adSense.  I deal on the other side of the spectrum, where I’m trying to catch advertisers gaming the system.  Anyhoo, the best Google can do on a contextual ad is something entitled “Wrestling Ringtones”?  Really?  Is there really so little content here that they can’t match it to anything?  Sigh. 

The new David Sedaris book arrived in the mail today, much to my happiness.  I can’t quite remember his last book, but I think it’s been about 5 years.  Was it Me Talk Pretty One Day?  Well, whatever.  One of the best stories in short story history is In Me Talk Pretty One Day.  It was “A Shiner Like a Diamond.”  Not only is that story laugh-out-loud funny (and parts of it totally plausible in my family….), but it’s one of the most brilliant pieces of craftsmanship I have ever seen.  I wonder what treasures this new one will hold.  The first page of the first story is already talking about a worm living in someone’s leg, so this is promising. 

This one won’t be like Harry Potter, where the entire world seemed to stop the first few days after it came out (I saw people reading it absolutely everywhere — from the gym to the doctor’s office), but for me, it’s similar.  Now, if we can just get JK Rowling to write another book, we’ll all be good. 

It’s pretty much been a year since I’ve written in this blog. But since we’ve all been gone, I have reloaded the blog to my own domain, and gotten a lot of life experience. Part of the reason for getting my own domain is that I’m out of the loop on the webmaster scene. I used to love web design. This time around, I’ve found that I don’t recognize half of the programming standards or tags. It’s kind of interesting to see how much has changed.

Also, since i work in advertising, I thought I’d throw up ads and see what happens. I spend half of my days whacking down bad advertisers and ad publishers, so now I thought I’d see how the ad engines rate my site. Blah blah blah.

But none of that is very interesting. Quick update on things.

• I am still single. Had a couple of short relationships over the past year, but nothing that panned out. Or that I wanted to pan out, once I got to know the guy a bit.
• I have taken up golf. It’s as if I turned 34, and was suddenly passionate about that old folks game.
• I have been turned on to the single biggest typographical/grammatical error ever seen by mankind (thank you, Alexis). In case they correct the title, the news article’s title reads “Gastronomical fuel prices put drivers over a barrel.” Seriously, for a grammar nazi like me, that was the most hoot-worthy headline ever.
• The coolest job in the world (which I currently hold) is simultaneously torture, thanks to a jackass manager. And he’s not so much a jackass as a self-aggrandizing schmo. I have high standards; what can I say?
• I want my friends to meet me in Vegas for my 35th. So start yer planning.
• Getting settled in Seattle — after 2 years — is still proving to be tough. Who knew getting a social life in such a cool city could be this difficult?
• This has been the winter that will not die. It’s JUNE, people. And today I saw a guy wearing a jacket and a sweatshirt hoodie. We are all still wearing jackets, and looking expectantly up at the sky, as if the sun might appear at any moment….

That’s all for tonight. I have to get up at 5 tomorrow to start working at that super cool job I mentioned.

Originally Posted August 4, 2007

I have not exactly been a devoted blogger lately. But I have missed the engagement with friends that it generates. The real reason for my “bad blogger” status is that I have a new job that is kicking my butt, which I also happen to love. I have been working nights, weekends, early mornings, etc. And traveling. This past week, boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss decided he want to know about one particular issue that I happened to be working on (not that he knows anything about me; it’s just that the issue crossed his radar screen). And my immediate boss was on vacation all week, so I was essentially flying solo. This broke on Wednesday night, and I had to deliver a report on Friday morning. Plus travel, plus various other things. Anyhooooooo.

Tonight I would like to rant about g-string underwear. This rant will reveal me as the world’s least sexy person, but so be it. I HATE g-string underwear. (and don’t get me started on the word “panties”). Why on earth would anyone like them? Seriously. They only look good on truly fit people. Anyone with curves does NOT look attractive in them. They are uncomfortable. They make a person feel constipated. They make a person feel like s/he has a perpetual wedgie in need of a good digging out. They don’t absorb any fluids. They dig into your flesh. The pop out of the back of your pants when you’re trying to be professional in front of your colleagues (I mean, seriously, boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss — you can trust my business judgment, despite the fact that my g-string underpants are making you wonder about a myriad of other things (unbeknowst to me)). As far as I can tell, the only benefit of g-string underwear is the absence of panty lines in one’s derriere. Yet the same feat is accomplished by NOT wearing underwear, and this has the added benefit of not having any of the aforementioned inconveniences. Do you see where I’m going with this? I will either resign myself to granny pants, or go commando. One of these days. How do other people feel about this issue?